What Could Have Been--Complete
by ladyfiery
Summary: Now was the moment of truth for her. Could she handle it? Or had California taken her courage away from her?
1. Default Chapter Title

Title: What Could Have Been  
Author: Ladyfiery  
Summary: Now was the moment of truth for her. Could she handle it?  
Or had California taken her courage away from her?  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I don't earn money off of them,  
either.  
Time: After "Mission of Gold"  
  
SMKSMK--signals the beginning or end of a flashback  
***--transition  
  
(1 of 3)  
  
As he kissed her, she thought about the assignment. Even as part   
of her took notice of how great a kisser he was, enjoyed the feel   
of his lips on hers, she continued to think of her mixed emotions   
about the case. It was an honor that Billy even considered her   
the senior agent for such an important assignment. However, a   
small part of her still wondered if she could handle it. The   
bullet had taken away more than a few weeks of good health.  
  
As he kissed her, she wished she were away on her honeymoon, the   
one cut short by a rifle. The beauty of California had remained   
hidden away from her. The sun shinning through the hospital   
glass was not the same as lying out by a pool, reading a book or   
laughing at the antics of your husband. They should be off   
playing together instead of working so hard and apart.  
  
As he kissed her, she focused on her thoughts and not on her   
surroundings. Which is why three men, dressed as tourists--a   
common sight by the millions in DC--were able to grab her and her   
escort right off the street. She was so surprised, it almost   
took her a second to realize it was a gun sticking in her back.  
  
The cool, plush seats of the limo felt soft against her skin as   
she was rudely pushed into the vehicle. At one time in her life,   
she would have been surprised to have three men--with their too-  
white legs revealed by khaki shorts--kidnap her. Now, looking at   
the cold-faced man sitting across from her, the one with the   
biggest gun, and the biggest camera around his neck, she was   
irritated at herself for failing to notice them. However,   
glancing at the clothes they wore, she admitted they did a good   
job of disguise.  
  
She looked at the man beside her, expecting to see a familiar   
"here we go again" expression. Instead, she saw panic. His eyes   
were on the "tourist" beside him, and his face was way too pale.   
After reminding herself that not everyone was used to being   
grabbed by gun-toting tourists--it was not something the average   
person would expect to see in the nation's capital after all--she   
struggled to remember that she was a housewife. Forcing a small   
shake in her voice, Amanda whispered to her date. "Dean,   
remember to take deep breaths." He managed to shoot her a look   
of pure disbelief before returning his focus to the man--with a   
gun--sitting beside him.  
  
Amanda made sure her hands shook and that her breathing was   
quick. It was not totally forced. After all, her life was not a   
game. There could be a day--it could be *this* case--where   
something would go wrong, and she ended up dead. However, years   
of experience, and few months of training, had taken away a lot   
of the panic she used to feel. Fear was allowed *after* she was   
safe and the case was finished.  
  
Moaning softly in what she hoped sounded like alarm, she closed   
her eyes and leaned her head back into the seat. Enjoying the   
quiet, smooth ride of the limo, Amanda relaxed. There was no   
chance of escape at the moment, so she might as well conserve her   
strength for later. Listening to the powerful engine hum as it   
picked up speed--a sure sign they were already outside of DC--she   
thought about the last few days and how she got to be in this   
mess.  
  
SMKSMKSMK   
  
Amanda took a deep breath and opened the door. Her sweaty palms   
made it difficult, but the doorknob finally turned, allowing her   
into the foyer. Her eyes scanned the familiar room before   
resting on the staircase. She wished Lee was standing there, but   
she had known that to be impossible before she had even arrived.  
  
Ignoring the butterflies in her stomach, she smiled at Mrs.   
Marsden, who actually returned it for a second, before getting to   
business. Amanda's eyes continued to stray up the staircase as   
she gave the password without any thought.  
  
Her legs slightly shook as she took her first step up the   
staircase. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. King." She turned halfway to   
look back towards Mrs. Marsden. Staring down at the lady sitting   
behind the immaculate desk, Amanda knew she would never be able   
to look at the reserved woman the same way ever again.  
  
"Mr. Melrose called a few minutes ago. He wants to see you   
ASAP," Mrs. Marsden informed her coolly, pointing towards the   
"closet."  
  
Amanda's eyebrows twisted up at the instruction. "Mr. Melrose?   
I thought he was supposed to be in a meeting all morning with   
Doctor Smyth?"  
  
Somehow managing to give the impression of a shrug without   
actually shrugging, Mrs. Marsden answered, "Dr. Smyth had to   
cancel." Then, she returned her attention to whatever she did   
between accepting passwords and delivering messages. Walking   
towards the elevator that doubled as a closet, Amanda made a   
mental note to ask Lee what else Mrs. Marsden did during the day.  
  
Frowning, she moved the coats out of her way. As she pressed the   
button, she wondered why Lee had not called to tell her the   
meeting was canceled. They could have met somewhere for   
breakfast. She bet he was none too pleased; after all, he had   
left early last night to finish preparing for the ridiculously   
early meeting.  
  
Her thoughts focused on Lee, Amanda jumped a half step back into   
the elevator when the doors opened. "Surprise!" the multitude of   
people surrounding her yelled. She laughed as she noticed the   
cake in Lee's hands and the sign; it hung over the bullpen   
entrance so she could barely read it, but she thought it said:   
"Welcome Back, Amanda!"  
  
Promising herself to take a piece of cake to Mrs. Marsden, Amanda   
joined the festivities. She had been away for far too long.  
  
***  
  
Relief filled Amanda as she entered the Q Bureau. Even though   
she had enjoyed the party, this office was their domain, hers and   
Lee's. Smiling, she closed the door softly behind her.  
  
Her husband did not let her down, drawing her into his arms   
immediately for one of his toe-curling kisses. Sighing, he held   
her close. "Are you mad at me for not warning you about the   
party?"  
  
Smiling, Amanda shook her head. "No, I'm not mad. I should have   
known, but--"  
  
"But?"  
  
She hugged him tighter. "Sometimes, I forget I belong now."  
  
He kissed the top of her head. "Are you kidding? Many of those   
people are rookies compared to you! You were sitting in the that   
bullpen before they were, and you have more field experience than   
most of the others."  
  
Amanda smiled, pleased by Lee's words, even though she did not   
really need to hear them. She pulled away so she could see him.   
"I know, but today, walking in here was like the first time. It   
felt like--"  
  
"A fantasy?" Lee finished. She raised her eyebrow and then   
realized it was a perfect choice. Nothing had felt real from the   
moment she walked into IFF.  
  
"I felt the same way," he admitted. "After being away so much to   
spend time with you, it didn't feel real here anymore." Taking   
one hand off her hips, he brought it to her face. Gently rubbing   
his thumb across her cheek, he said, "I don't know how I lived so   
long in a fantasy when reality is so much better."  
  
After a few minutes of silence, where they both simply enjoyed   
holding one another, he mumbled, "What's up with you and Mrs.   
Marsden today?"  
  
She stiffened. "What do you mean?" She almost groaned when she   
heard that note of false innocence in her voice. Even after four   
years of lying to her mother and the boys, she still found it   
hard to lie to those she loved.  
  
He pulled back so he could see her face. "I mean the way you   
wouldn't look her in the eye when you gave her that piece of   
cake. I mean all those odd looks you kept giving her as we   
walked up here."  
  
She moved her hand across Lee's chest; she kept her eyes focused   
on that hand. "Odd looks? I don't--"  
  
"Amanda," Lee said with a lot of frustration in his voice.  
  
After taking a few deep breaths, and waging a short internal   
debate, she finally told him. "You know I had lunch with   
Francine Wednesday?" He nodded. "Well, she told me--" Amanda   
shook her head, trying to get the images out of her head. A tad   
bit embarrassed, she rushed her words out of her mouth. "She   
told me that Mrs. Marsden and Harry are having an affair!"  
  
"Harry? Our Harry?" Lee laughed at her small nod. "The old   
dog! How does Francine know?" Off of her look, he protested,   
"I'm sorry, but I work in the intelligence community. You check   
your sources. You check your source's sources. Then, you find   
out that the info was good on Monday, but not on Tuesday."  
  
She shook her head, a large smile on her lips. "Then, you   
interrogate your girlfriend--"  
  
"My wife," he quickly corrected her.  
  
Her smile grew. "Your wife," she agreed and reached up for a   
kiss. After a few minutes, Amanda feared she was about to melt   
into a puddle. Reluctantly, she pulled away, and Lee's groan   
reassured her that he felt the same way.  
  
Sighing, he leaned his head down so that the top of his head   
touched hers. "I think we need to take a couple of days off,   
just you and I, and go to the mountains."  
  
She nodded solemnly. With mock seriousness, she said, "We could   
always take a lesson from Mrs. Marsden and try the desk." Lee's   
chuckle filled the air. "Francine parked her car out front, and   
then ended up working past midnight. She didn't think about it,   
and Mrs. Marsden was apparently too busy to remember to lock out   
the elevator--"  
  
He shook his head in amusement, telling her he understood   
completely how Francine knew about Harry and Mrs. Marsden now.   
He glanced over at their desks, and then somehow managed to pull   
her closer. "You, me, the desk--One of my favorite fantasies,   
Mrs. Stetson. However, if we went to the cabin, we would have   
time to try a few of her other ideas."  
  
She laughed. "What other ideas?"  
  
He leaned down to whisper close to her ear. "Like one of those   
she's writing right now."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
Amanda's heart beat faster at the look he gave her. "Don't you   
know what she does during the day, sitting at that desk for so   
long?" She shook her head, never taking her eyes off him. The   
sparkle in his eye told her he had his own juicy tidbit to share.   
"She's writing her next Zula Quincy novel."  
  
She stopped laughing when she saw the expression on Lee's face.   
He was serious. "Zula Quincy? The romance writer? Mrs.   
Marsden?"  
  
"Yeah." Lee's eyes shinned with laughter, and his voice was like   
smooth velvet. "Right now, she's down there burning up those   
pages with her hot little stories."  
  
She shook her head. "Hot? Lee, they are practically por--"  
  
"I know."  
  
Her eyebrow lifted. "You know?"  
  
It was Lee's turn to act serious. "I was researching what women   
find romantic."  
  
She began fighting a losing battle with her lips. They only   
trembled a bit as she said: "Research? Did you find any   
pointers, Stetson?"  
  
He nodded, his eyes slightly widened in mock surprise.   
"Actually, I did learn a thing or two."  
  
A small giggle escaped her tight lips. "I don't believe it."  
  
Lee stood taller. "Well, Ma'am, in the interest of furthering   
your education, I will do my best to show you what I learned."  
  
Grabbing his tie, Amanda yanked her smiling husband down for a   
kiss. His eyes told her it was what he wanted to be doing   
anyway. As his lips finally met hers, the phone on Amanda's desk   
rang.  
  
He groaned, as a laughing Amanda slipped out of his arms. "I   
think they have this place wired for surveillance."  
  
She held up a finger to let him know she planned to continue   
their "discussion" in just a moment. "King, here," she said,   
happy to be there to answer it, even though she was aggravated at   
the caller's horrible sense of timing. Thinking she might need   
to take a message, she picked up a pen.  
  
"Amanda, I need you down here ASAP. For real this time, I'm   
afraid. I have case for you," the warm melodic tones of Billy   
answered her.  
  
She dropped the pen. "A case? For *us*?" She ignored Lee's   
dark frown and crossed arms.  
  
Billy sighed. "Actually, no. It's for you, but you might as   
well bring Lee with you." She could hear his unspoken words: He   
won't let either one of us have any peace until he knows what is   
going on anyway.  
  
"We'll be right there, Sir," she answered before dropping the   
phone back into its cradle. She was pleased her voice had not   
trembled any. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face Lee.  
  
***  
  
*Francine noticed*, Amanda thought, taking her usual seat in   
Billy's office. No one else in the bullpen did she would bet,   
but then few of them knew Lee Stetson--or Amanda King, for that   
matter--well. Francine knew them both.  
  
As they walked towards Billy's office, both of them had been   
wearing smiles. They talked briefly with several people, but   
none of them seemed to notice that Lee's replies were too short   
or that Amanda's answers were too long. They saw his hand at the   
small of her back, but they did not feel the tense muscles in the   
fingers like Amanda did.  
  
As Lee sat stiffly in the chair beside her, Amanda noticed she   
was playing with her hands. Putting them on the arms of the   
chair, she forced herself to relax. Billy flashed her a smile of   
kind understanding before looking back at Lee.  
  
Amazingly enough, it took him two seconds to explode. "She's   
recovering from a gun shot wound, Billy! Dr. McJohn said a   
minimum--a *minimum*, Billy--of two weeks light desk duty."  
  
Billy nodded patiently. Amanda thought, if she were the section   
chief, Lee would have a file folder so full of write-ups, it   
would take a fork truck to move it. She almost laughed nervously   
when she remembered Lee's file was about that thick.  
  
Usually, Billy could give it back just as well as Lee could give   
it. There had been more than a few times where she had seen them   
standing toe to toe having a yelling contest. However, if she   
ever wondered about the times Billy was patient, she reminded   
herself of two facts. One was that, while Lee's file was thick,   
very few of the black marks were from Billy. Most of those that   
were had landed on his desk from higher up, while most of the   
commendations came directly from him. Knowing what she did about   
Lee's past behavior, Amanda knew their supervisor had seen Lee in   
all forms--good and bad.  
  
The other fact, which she was reminding herself of right now, was   
something Lee told her after her return from Addi Birol's hands.   
He basically received what amounted to a slap on the wrist for   
his reckless behavior in her rescue, when he should have at least   
suffered through a couple of weeks' worth of suspension. When   
Amanda, at home recovering, asked why he had not, Lee sheepishly   
admitted that Billy had gone to bat for him. "He understands   
when I go a little crazy over you."  
  
Anyone who knew Lee, and had heard about what happened in   
California, would be expecting today's anger. He was afraid of   
the thought of Amanda back out in the field. So, instead of   
returning yell for yell, Billy calmly explained his decision. "I   
know, Scarecrow. I don't want her back out there either until   
she's physically in top form. However, she's the only one who   
can do this assignment, and there's not enough time for us to   
wait for her to get her okay from McJohn."  
  
"Come on, Billy! The only one?"  
  
Billy's cool nod seemed to take some of the burning straw out of   
scarecrow. As her husband partially relaxed into his chair,   
Amanda asked, "What's the assignment, Sir?" She had no worries   
about being *physically* able to handle the work.  
  
Looking down at the folder sitting in front of him, one of the   
most popular section chiefs at the Agency shook his head. He   
slowly pulled it towards him and then quickly flipped it open.   
He took out two photos and handed them across his desk to Lee's   
hands. Amanda sat back, understanding as Billy did, that her   
husband wanted the facts *now*. She, although anxious, could   
wait for the details. Watching him for clues, she saw his jaw   
clench and his nostril's flare when he looked at the second   
photograph. So much for her hope of an easy assignment.  
  
***  
  
Lee felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He had been   
angry earlier, but now his blood was cold. He looked up at Billy   
with disbelief written across his face. "I recognize the   
Senator, but I don't recognize the woman with him in the first   
photograph. I do, however, also know the man she's with in the   
second photo!" Amanda, sitting quietly beside him, winced   
slightly as his voice rose in volume.  
  
Despite Lee's anger, Billy's focus remained strictly on Amanda.   
Apparently, she also noticed it, because she shifted uneasily in   
her chair. Disturbed by the unusual quiet, Lee opened his mouth   
to demand an answer about why Amanda was the only person who   
could handle a case dealing with Ricardo Estevez when his friend   
finally spoke. "The lady in the pictures is Evelyn Hunter."  
  
Frowning, Lee started to ask who in the world Evelyn Hunter was   
when he became aware that the lady sitting beside him was   
unnaturally still. Without looking, he could feel the waves of   
tension rolling off of Amanda. He turned, startled to notice   
that she was still breathing. The shallow little breaths she was   
taking barely made her chest move. Unblinking, her eyes remained   
focused on the man sitting behind the desk.  
  
Looking back at Billy, Lee saw the same tension reflected there.   
He also sat unmoving, a frown creasing his brow, and his fingers   
tightly intertwined in front of him. Confusion instead of anger   
prompted Lee's next question. "Who is Evelyn Hunter?"  
  
Billy sighed and looked down at his fingers. Lee watched as his   
friend forced them to relax. "She is Dean McGuire's mother,   
Lee."  
  
Recognizing the name, Lee looked through the Rolodex of agents,   
both domestic and foreign, in his mind, but he could not place a   
dossier with the name. Amanda managed a breathless chuckle. "I   
think Lee knows him better as 'whats-his-name' or 'Doug' or   
'Dan,'" she prompted softly.  
  
Lee turned to look at his wife. "Dean? The Dean you used to   
date when we met?" She nodded.  
  
He again returned his attention to Billy. He opened his mouth to   
ask how such a boring, incompetent weatherman, or his mother,   
could really matter when suddenly he did not care. The reason   
for Billy's tension became clear to him in a blinding instant.   
"Billy--what kind of assignment are we talking about here?"  
  
His friend sighed and looked down at his desk. Then, he looked   
up, meeting Lee's eyes for the first time since they walked into   
his office. "A peacock dance--Lisbon variation."  
  
***  
  
"You are my wife," Lee managed to whisper, but Amanda could hear   
the anger in his voice. Not to mention that one vein of his was   
throbbing.  
  
They sat at an outdoor café, for all the world looking like two   
normal people. Maybe two normal people in a slightly heated   
discussion, but that in itself was ordinary, too. However, the   
topic of conversation was not. After all, it was not everyday a   
woman was ordered by her employer to begin dating her ex-  
boyfriend. In fact, if Amanda worked for any other business, she   
could probably sue. However, she worked in the intelligence   
community where left was sometimes right and up sometimes down.  
  
"And Billy doesn't know that!" she snapped. She understood why   
he was upset--after all, it was not so long ago that she sat in   
his Corvette, listening to him make out with Sonja. Of course,   
they were not married then, but they had had a job to do. Her   
own stomach was in knots for a lot of reasons, and she could use   
some understanding from Lee.  
  
With a heavy sigh, he leaned back in his chair. After rubbing   
his forehead briefly, he grabbed his cup of coffee and took a   
large drink. Sitting it down with a small click, he apologized.   
"I'm sorry; I--there are days where I wonder where I came up with   
this stupid idea."  
  
She smiled and reached over to grasp his hand. "I know things   
are difficult right now." Lee's lips twisted. "Okay, so things   
are really hard right now." He snorted, but she felt the fingers   
beneath hers relax. "I don't know if we made the right decision   
with this 'secret' business either, but I do know that now is not   
the time to question it. We are both on edge, and we need some   
time alone--something we haven't had since California!"  
  
"When this is over, let's go to the mountains."  
  
"The mountains? And a cabin?" He nodded, and she grinned.   
Stroking his hand, she looked down at the table. "Well, you'll   
have to make sure you are in top physical form first."  
  
"I will, will I?" The light, flirty tone she loved was back in   
his voice.  
  
She nodded. "Yes, you will. I have an intense physical workout   
planned for you when we are alone."  
  
Amanda noticed a few of the ladies glanced in their direction as   
Lee laughed. Her own blood ran a little faster at the sound.   
She did not want to fight with him; she wanted enjoy the hours   
together. This morning, right before Billy called, had been the   
first time in over two months that they had time alone together.   
Oh, in the last few weeks, her mother and the boys had went to   
bed early to give them some peace, but the mere fact other people   
were in the house who could possibly overhear dampened the   
atmosphere a lot.  
  
Lee's entire body suddenly tensed. He leaned forward. "Amanda,   
after work, come home with me." She bit her lip and shifted in   
her chair. He sighed. "I know you won't be able to spend the   
night. I understand Philip and Jamie wanting you home, but just   
for a few hours, come back to my place. I want some time alone   
with you." Looking in his eyes, she knew she could not say no.  
  
***  
  
With one final roar, the mighty dinosaur died, and the tattered   
remains of humanity cheered. Amanda finished the last bite of   
popcorn as the credits began to roll. After putting the bowl on   
the table, she leaned back into Lee's arms. "It was a good   
movie."  
  
"Yes, it was," Lee agreed, gently playing with her hair.  
  
"Dinner was excellent, too. We needed this," she said with a   
sigh.  
  
He kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, and yes, we did."  
  
Amanda leaned her head back and kissed him. She could taste   
butter and salt. From the attention his tongue was giving her   
lips, she bet he could taste the remains of their snack on hers,   
too. As it used to be, it only took a second for the kiss to   
become intense. They could do sweet and soft, but they had been   
restricted to that kind since their cut-short honeymoon.  
  
She managed to twist herself around so that she was straddling   
his legs. She leaned forward as Lee's arms surrounded her and   
pulled her close. She sighed as he gently nipped her earlobe.   
She had been out of these arms for way too long.  
  
However, to her surprise, he pulled away from her after only a   
few minutes. She moaned and opened her eyes. Expecting to see a   
playful look on her husband's face, she sat up straight when she   
noticed regret and longing there instead. "What's wrong, Lee?"  
  
Shaking, his head, he replied, "We can't do this, Amanda. Not,   
yet."  
  
She leaned forward, making sure never to lose eye contact. "Oh,   
yes, we can, Mr. Stetson."  
  
"Amanda, I didn't ask you here--"  
  
"Well, it's why I came!" At his startled look, she laughed. "I   
expect a lot more than dinner and a movie from you, buster. I'm   
fine, Lee. The doctor has cleared me."  
  
His legs shifted uncomfortable beneath her. "Doctor McJohn said   
you should--"  
  
"I asked," Amanda said with a large smile on her face. Feeling   
his entire body relax, she almost laughed again. "He said it was   
fine. He just wants me to have a few weeks to build up my   
strength. That was why he recommended desk duty." Lee's muscles   
tensed again at the reminder she would be back out in the field   
tomorrow, but Amanda knew he would say nothing: They had agreed   
not to discuss it tonight.  
  
"So, you asked the doctor . . ." As an answer, she leaned forward   
to give him a kiss she was sure sent a shock wave from the top of   
his head to the tip of his toes. He was not slow in responding.   
His fingers worked their way through her hair, and she felt her   
hair fall out of the clip and onto her neck.   
  
Lee's mouth followed it there. Before she fell in love with this   
man, she would have argued that the neck was not an erogenous   
zone--at least for her it was not. However, a few dates with   
Lee--and his lips--had proved her thinking to be wrong. His   
magical lips and fingers had managed to make her neck feel   
impulses she had not believed possible. All too often, she had   
left his arms with shaking legs and a gut twisted by passion. If   
he had not insisted on them taking it slow at the beginning, she   
would have seduced him the first time he caressed her neck.  
  
She felt the crisp hair of his chest beneath her fingers, and she   
realized she had unbuttoned his shirt. Lee quickly returned the   
favor, and she shivered as the air caressed her warm skin. His   
lips were working their way down the front of her throat when   
suddenly he stopped. Instantly, an image of how she looked in   
the mirror that morning came to her mind, and she quickly grasped   
the two ends of her shirt to pull them back together. Lee's   
hands stopped her.  
  
Slowly, almost reverently, he reached his left hand out to touch   
the scar. She closed her eyes when she thought of how horrible   
it looked to her. Even this morning, after a lot of the redness   
and puffiness had faded, it stood out as a horrible, ugly mark on   
her chest. It seemed to scream, "Look at me!" Amanda could not   
believe that she allowed passion to let her forget about it. She   
had meant for their first time after her shooting to be in the   
dark, where she could hide it away from him and herself.  
  
Tears pricked at her eyelids when Lee leaned over and kissed the   
top of the scar. He slowly followed the path down, leaning her   
back over his arms so he could trace it with his lips to the end.   
He pulled her back up and put his hand on her face. Reluctantly,   
she opened her eyes. Her husband smiled at her. "You are still   
the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Her hand shook as   
she ran her fingers through his hair, and her eyes watered, but   
there was a smile on her lips as she bent down to kiss him. Slow   
and sweet was wonderful, too.  
  
***  
  
It was after midnight before either of them felt like speaking in   
complete sentences again. Fighting droopy eyelids, Amanda   
sighed. "I really should be heading home."  
  
He said nothing for several minutes. In spite of her words,   
Amanda continued to lie on his chest. She enjoyed hearing the   
gentle pounding of his heart. The rhythm of his breathing almost   
lulled her to sleep before he spoke. "I know. Your mother is   
probably going to wonder how come you are so late coming home   
from a dinner and a movie with some friends from work."  
  
A small giggle filled the room. "I doubt it; she told me to tell   
you 'hello'."  
  
Shaking his head, he leaned over and kissed his wife's forehead.   
"I don't want you working this case, Amanda."  
  
"I know."  
  
Gently rubbing her arm, he hugged her tighter. "Do you ever   
wonder?"  
  
She lifted her head. "Wonder what?"  
  
His pause before answering told her how important his question   
was. "What your life would have been like if I hadn't passed you   
that package?"  
  
She frowned. She tried to imagine life without the Agency,   
without the pressures of spying, and, more importantly, without   
Lee. She felt two boxers begin to fight it out in her stomach at   
the images her mind produced. She shook her head. "You're   
jealous!"  
  
Lee's lips twisted, but he shook his head. "No, not really. I   
don't think Dean McGruire's going to steal you away from me.   
It's just--"  
  
"What?" She pushed herself up on her elbow, and leaned over him,   
forcing him to look her in the eyes. She saw something there,   
but she could not identify it. He reached out and again followed   
the path of her new scar. "Lee, you didn't shoot me."  
  
His eyes dropped down to look at the permanent remainder of their   
honeymoon. "No, but you were in danger because of me."  
  
She sat up on the bed, shaking her head. "No, I was hurt because   
someone was firing a rifle. We weren't even there for a case,   
Lee. We were there on our honeymoon."  
  
Leaning up on his elbow, he ran his other hand through his hair.   
"I know that's true, Amanda, but--"  
  
She leaned forward and kissed him. "Everything seems a little   
upside down right now."  
  
Sitting up so he could gather into his arms, Lee nodded. Leaning   
back on the headboard, he shifted so that she could lie back on   
his chest. "I don't think I've felt right since I opened that   
car door."  
  
"I know." Amanda's voice was like a breathy whisper.  
  
For almost a half-hour, the only sound in the room was their   
breathing. Finally, Lee shifted and sighed. "Do you ever think   
about Dean? What would have happened?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, I don't. I would have never married   
him."  
  
"How do you know? I thought you two had discussed it."  
  
She laughed and felt Lee's arms relax around her. "For a man who   
could never get Dean's name right, you sure kept tabs on how   
close we were."  
  
"Surveillance duty. Had to make sure the new lady wasn't a   
plant." The tension was back, but for a different reason.  
  
Her laughter this time was loud and full. "Oh, of course,   
Scarecrow. Just making sure your country was safe from crazy   
housewives!"  
  
Lee did not make a sound, but Amanda felt his chest shake behind   
her. "Yes, I was! You might have been a top-secret Soviet agent   
out to lure me into her trap."  
  
After twisting around to steal a quick kiss, she reluctantly   
started to stand up from the bed. Lee's arms tightened briefly   
around her waist, but then he let her go. As she dressed, she   
thought about the past and about Lee's question. "No, I would   
have never married him," she finally said, more to herself than   
to Lee, as she buttoned her shirt.  
  
"Why not?" She looked at her husband lying on the bed. Her eyes   
roamed over his lean and well-defined body, and her own body   
urged her to immediately get undressed and rejoin him. Her heart   
and her mind, however, immediately thought how small and unsure   
he looked lying there.   
  
Sighing, Amanda sat down on the edge of the bed. "I wanted to   
love him." Images of Dean floated through her memory. Shaking   
her head, she turned and smiled at Lee. "He was great with the   
boys, and Mother adored him, but the spark just wasn't there. I   
kept trying to light it somehow, but it was like trying to ignite   
wet wood."   
  
She leaned over and whispered, "Now, when you came along, it was   
like trying to put out a grease fire with more grease!"  
  
Laughing, he tugged her hand hard enough to cause her to fall   
over on him. After kissing her softly, he caressed her cheek.   
"Promise me something, Mrs. Stetson."  
  
"What?"  
  
"If I ever do anything that starts to put out that flame, you'll   
tell me ASAP." His entire focus was on her, letting her know how   
serious he was in his request.  
  
Looking down at the body she had to be soon leaving, Amanda   
managed a sound that was half-moan and half-sigh. Then, meeting   
the gaze that told her she was the most important person in the   
world, that he would die to protect her, she smiled. "I don't   
think we have to worry about that anytime soon." He grinned, but   
the shadow of doubt remained in his eyes. "I promise."  
  
The muscles around Lee's lips relaxed and the sparkle returned to   
his eyes. "Good. Now," he said as he suddenly sat up and   
gathered her up into his arms. Standing, he gently let go of her   
legs so she could slide down the front of him. "I need to get   
dressed."  
  
Laughing softly, she shook her head. "There's no need for you to   
walk me to my car, Lee. I'll be perfectly sa--"  
  
The look he shot her stopped the sentence before it was even   
completed. Amanda did not even know why she had bothered; he   
*always* walked her to her car at night, even when she parked   
right in front where the bellman could see her the entire time.   
After watching his bottom--sans underwear--slide into jeans, she   
decided to wait for him in the living room. She did, after all,   
need to get home sometime tonight, and if she stayed one second   
longer, she would not be heading to Arlington before sunrise.  
  
SMKSMKSMK  
  
The purr of the limo's engine stopped, alerting Amanda to the   
fact they were at their destination--wherever that might be.   
Clutching Dean's arm, she opened her eyes. She noticed that   
their friends, unfortunately, were still vigilant with their eyes   
and their guns focused. However, she was relieved to notice   
Dean's somewhat relaxed features. At least he had some color   
back in his face and his breathing was almost normal.  
  
After stumbling her way into the warehouse, Amanda quickly   
scanned the area. It was all open, which was usually a   
disadvantage--no place to hide from the gunfire. In the center   
was three chairs which told her that she had been planned in the   
kidnapping. A shaking, pale Evelyn Hunter sat in the first one.  
  
"Mother!" Dean bent over in pain as one of the guards pounded   
him in the stomach. Amanda winced and wished she could have   
warned him somehow. They never did like you running, even if it   
was to someone they planned to use as bait to get you.  
  
The one with the biggest gun and the biggest camera lens pushed   
Amanda in the last chair. Something in his eyes told her that he   
did not trust her, that her reactions had not played right to   
him. However, the two other guards and Ricardo Estevez were   
paying no attention to her. None of them even bothered to tie   
her to the chair, a sure sign they considered her unimportant.  
  
Estevez smiled at Evelyn and walked over to her chair. Almost   
reverently, he strokes her cheek. "Ah, Eve," he says. "You are   
now going to help me create a whole new world." He laughed as   
she trembled. "At least, a new world for me." A loud crack   
echoed off the walls. Amanda jumped as a small trickle of blood   
started to trail its way down Evelyn's chin.  
  
One of the most ruthless men in the information underground   
laughed at the older lady's stunned look. Amanda winced when she   
noticed that Dean's wrists were starting to bleed. He was   
struggling so hard to get out of them that they were cutting into   
his tender flesh. "You son of a--"  
  
A raised hand stopped him. Evelyn's eyes widened in fear as   
Estevez's hand stayed hovering over her, waiting for Dean to   
finish his statement. "Your mother has already gotten a taste of   
the punishment that *you* earned. Lucky for her, you only hit me   
once. Now, I happen to love my mother very much, and I do not   
take insults to her kindly. Surely, you would not want your   
mother hurt because you could not keep control of your tongue,   
now would you, my boy?" Dean's mouth stayed firmly shut, but the   
hatred in his eyes shouted out to the world.  
  
Amanda's hands shook as Estevez lowered his hand to his side.   
"Good boy," he said, as if talking to his favorite pet. A dark   
bruise began to form on Evelyn's cheek as the blood from Dean's   
wrists continued to drip on the floor.  
  
So much blood. Too much of it. She thought of the blood she had   
lost in California. Of course, she had been unconscious as hers   
soaked into the seat of a rental car in California, but she had   
nightmares about it. Lee did, too. Estevez's men had semi-  
automatic pistols, but in her mind she kept seeing the barrel of   
a riffle. She had only seen a photo of the gun used in her   
shooting, but the image of it haunted her sometimes, even in her   
waking hours.  
  
She had never cared much for guns. Still did not like them,   
although she was proficient in their use and understood that   
someday her life or Lee's or another agent's might depend upon   
her shooting, and possibly taking the life of, another person.   
She could not tell anyone why she disliked them so much, but she   
once told Lee that they always felt so cold and heavy in her   
hand.   
  
Amazing how something so cold could produce something so hot.   
Looking down at her trembling hands, she could hear her own heart   
beating and the sound of her blood rushing through her body. She   
had been very aware of it since she awoke in that hospital bed.   
She woke up knowing how precious life was, and how much wanted to   
live. Would she be able to do what she needed to do knowing how   
those bullets felt entering soft flesh?  
  
Billy's earlier words began to play in her memory, but doubt   
worked hard to keep her from believing them. Now was the moment   
of truth for her. Could she handle it? Or had California taken   
her courage away from her?  
  
Even as she considered all of her current options, as few as they   
were, she thought back to that first date with this new Dean   
sitting beside her. Watching as he continued to struggle against   
the binds on his wrists, she remembered the night she told him   
she could fall in love with him.  
  
(end 1 of 3) 


	2. Default Chapter Title

Headers, disclaimers in part 1  
  
SMKSMK--signals the beginning or end of a flashback  
***--transition  
  
(2 of 3)  
  
SMKSMKSMKSMK  
  
Sipping her soup, Amanda wished she had some duct tape. Or a   
large apple. Anything to get him to shut up for more than two   
minutes. Casually looking around the table, she noticed that   
everyone was spellbound by the Senator. Or trying to act like   
they were. She wished Lee were sitting beside her, so they could   
exchange a shared amused glance.  
  
However, Dean listened intently to everything that the Great   
Senator from New York had to say. Only the lessons on manners   
that her mother worked so hard to teach her kept her from yawning   
or laughing. The urge to yawn came from the Great Senator's   
instance on talking about himself. She wanted to laugh because   
while the Agency was assuming that Evelyn was the one sharing too   
much information, it was really her boss who could not keep his   
mouth shut.  
  
Tonight, she learned more about Robert Ferris's upcoming trip to   
the Midwest than she had in a top-secret briefing yesterday   
afternoon. She now knew most of the key Mid-Easter officials   
that would be taking part, as well as where most of them stood on   
the idea of peace. Patting her mouth with her napkin, she   
glanced over to where Evelyn and her handsome escort sat.  
  
She could definitely see what Evelyn Hunter liked about the man.   
The dark looks and those intense eyes--Amanda felt like he was x-  
raying her when they were introduced earlier. His manners were   
also impeccable. With a voice that only held a hint of his   
Spanish accent, he complimented every woman on something. For   
Amanda, it had been her hair. The men liked him for his relaxed   
demeanor and the way he had of making every one of them feel   
important. Oh, and the mere fact he was wealthy--very wealthy--  
made him perfect by Evelyn's standards.  
  
However, Amanda saw a few things about Estevez that surprised   
her. Evelyn liked everything neat and correctly in its place.   
Her date had a hint of wildness about him. He smoked cigars-only   
if he was in the room set-aside for the boys--and drank wine   
heavily. His dark, rich hair was a little long for this   
conservative crowd; it almost reached the bottom of his tuxedo   
collar. The style was a little unkempt, and the three rings on   
his fingers were larger than any the ladies wore.   
  
He glanced in her direction. For a second, she felt like a deer   
frozen by the headlights of an approaching car. The look in his   
eyes sent a chill down her spin. She recognized it for what it   
was, but somehow when Lee looked at her that way it made her feel   
special. Estevez's lustful gaze made her feel like a cheap piece   
of meat. Nodding his head in her direction, he turned his   
attention back to Farris's rambling.  
  
Seeing the cold, calculating expression on his face, Amanda knew   
he was taking careful notes in his head. She turned to listen to   
the Great Senator. As she laughed at a joke she heard six months   
earlier--and many times since--she wiped the top of her hand with   
her napkin underneath the tablecloth. She rubbed so hard it   
burned, but she desperately wanted to remove all traces of   
Estevez's earlier gallant kiss there. *As if he could give me   
warts,* she thought with a silent laugh.  
  
Again, Amanda remembered how she was four years ago. The   
housewife from Arlington would have been enchanted by Estevez's   
looks and his charm. Today, she wanted to go take a scalding hot   
shower just from being in the same room with him for so long.   
She saw him for the egotistical, maniacal, money-hungry,   
murdering toad that he was.  
  
Laughing at a joke she first heard in the eighth grade--and many   
times since--Amanda wished she were in a mountain cabin.   
Surrounded by people she either did not like, did not trust, or   
found incredibly boring, she dreamed of being surrounded by the   
incredibly warm arms of her husband.  
  
***  
  
"Where's your thoughts at, Amanda?"  
  
Startled, she looked over at her date for the night. Laughing,   
she shook her head. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking about   
work."  
  
Dean leaned over and whispered, "It's rude to think of work   
during a date." Remembering how he used to always correct her   
manners, she almost frowned. Instead, she forced herself to   
laugh as she had when they dated for real.   
  
To her surprise, he joined her in her laughter. "Of course, all   
my dates start out with work. 'Nice weather we are having, isn't   
it?' they say. And I reply, 'Yes, but a cold front is moving in   
tonight, and there is an eighty-three percent chance of showers   
tomorrow.' Ends small talk real quick when you can't talk about   
the weather casually."  
  
Seeing the humor on his face, Amanda actually laughed. The Dean   
she dated all those years ago had a wonderful wit about him.   
Unfortunately, it had been directed at other people, which   
usually left her feeling uncomfortable. Tonight, he was laughing   
at *himself*, something he had never done in the months they   
dated.  
  
It was only by sheer will that she kept herself from yanking back   
her hand when he reached over to hold it. Reminding herself that   
she was doing work and not cheating on Lee, Amanda forced her   
hand to relax. Even though her rings were safely stowed away at   
Lee's, she imagined that she could feel their presence on her   
finger.  
  
"So, do you think the Senator will ever find another topic   
besides himself to talk about?"  
  
She struggled to find something polite to say. "Everyone seemed   
to find him witty and charming."  
  
He shook his head. "I forgot. You aren't used to this types of   
parties." Amanda resisted the urge to tell him she had even been   
to a few of the private parties at the White House. "In DC,   
nothing is as it seems. Everyone there, except my mother, finds   
him to be an arrogant bore."  
  
Gathering the collar of his coat closer together to ward off the   
mild chill, he sighed. "Don't get me wrong, Amanda. He gave   
Mother a job after Zachery died. She didn't need the money, but   
she needed something to do, something that made her feel   
important. I'll always be thankful to Richard Farris for giving   
her that, but I hate everything about politics. I must have been   
out of my mind to invite you tonight."  
  
She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I had a good time." After   
the words left her mouth, she realized it was true. She actually   
had had a good time.  
  
"I'm glad. Now, what do you say to getting some real food?   
Maybe some hot-dogs smothered in chili, cheese and onions?"  
  
She stopped walking. A sleek, black limousine drove past, but   
neither one of them paid any attention to it. The streets of DC   
were full of them. "Dean McGruire? Volunteering to eat hot-  
dogs?"  
  
Sticking his hands in his pockets, he turned to look at her.   
"I'm not the same man you once knew, Amanda."  
  
Crossing her arms, she looked at the man standing before her.   
His appearance was the same--a few more wrinkles and a few gray   
hairs maybe. However, his eyes had a sadness in them that she   
had not seen before. His face seemed softer, too. More open to   
the joys of life. "I can see that." She glanced down at her   
feet, and then looked back up with a smile. "I'm not the same   
Amanda King you once knew, either."  
  
"I can see that, too." At her questioning look, he laughed.   
Walking back to stand in front of her, he waved his hands.   
"Everything about you seems different. The way you fix your   
hair--it's less frazzled and more sophisticated. The way you   
walk is more confident. The way you dress says 'I am a   
professional.' I can see the kind-hearted woman I knew, but she   
has a new sparkle that I find fascinating."  
  
Noticing the discreet, white van parked across the road, Amanda   
reached out and took his hand. "Let's go get those hot-dogs."   
When Dean put his arm around her waist and helped guide her back   
towards the car, she glanced over at the van. Even though she   
saw the general outline of Fred Fielder sitting in the driver's   
seat, she felt Lee's unseen eyes burning into her back.  
  
***  
  
"I am stuffed," Amanda declared, pushing the little checkered   
cardboard away from her. After the cold, tasteless chicken they   
ate earlier, the hot-dogs had been a gourmet meal.  
  
Dean patted his stomach and nodded. "Yeah, I am, too, but they   
were *good*."  
  
She laughed at his goofy grin. "So, tell me how Dean McGuire   
became a man who *likes* to eat hot-dogs."  
  
Leaning forward, he wrapped his hands around his cup of coffee.   
Looking down at the almost-cold liquid, he shook his head. "You   
heard that I got married?"  
  
"Yeah, I heard." She thought of the marriage certificate lying   
in one of the many folders she examined yesterday. Right behind   
it had been the divorce decree.  
  
"She changed my life, Amanda. As sappy as that sounds, it's   
true." Her heart hurt seeing the pain in his eyes. She reached   
over and gently patted his arm. He smiled at her.  
  
"I met Candy a few months after that weekend." She knew which   
weekend he was referring, too. The marriage of Evelyn McGuire to   
Zachary Hunter had been the end of their relationship. Dean had   
realized that Amanda fell far short of his mother's expectations,   
and Amanda had accepted that Dean fell far short of hers.  
  
Grinning, he took a sip of his coffee. "She had just started her   
job as weatherman then, and I did not expect to like her.   
Watching her at nights, I would cringe. She knew nothing about   
the weather; she was there just for her looks."  
  
Thinking of the few times she had seen Candy Malone's weather   
report, she agreed. However, if Dean had married her, maybe her   
airheadness was an act. "So, she surprised you with your   
intelligence."  
  
His laugh was soft and husky. "Oh, no, she didn't. She's just   
like she is on-air." She struggled to think of something to say.   
He smiled and leaned forward. "It's okay, Amanda. I would have   
never seen me marrying anyone like her, either."  
  
He watched the cars going by the window for a minute, and then   
turned his attention back to her. "She was amazing. I had never   
met anyone like her--she just enjoyed life. I was drawn to her.   
I felt like a fly caught in a spider's web, only she didn't take   
away my life. She gave it to me."  
  
A hint of blush touched Dean's cheeks. "I married her a week   
later in Los Vegas."  
  
"What? I can't believe your mother approved." As soon as the   
words left her mouth, she winced. She really wished she could   
take them back.  
  
Looking up at Dean, she was surprised to see amusement in his   
eyes. His mother had been a saint when Amanda dated him.   
Tossing his empty coffee cup into the pile of garbage in front of   
him, he said, "She didn't. In fact, she was horrified." He   
shrugged. "I didn't care, because Candy forced me to grasp a   
horrible truth--I wanted to marry anyone *but* my mother, and the   
way I was heading, I was going to marry someone just like her."   
After looking over his shoulder, he leaned forward and whispered,   
"*That* scared me to death."  
  
Amanda's hand shot up to cover her mouth as she startled   
laughing. "I'm sorry," she said between gasps.  
  
He laughed with her. "Don't be. I love my mother, Amanda. I'm   
not sure I like her, but I do love her. I see her faults, and I   
don't bother trying to live up to her standards anymore."  
  
"Candy made you see all this?"  
  
"She might be perky," he said with a large grin on her face.   
"But she also is very straight forward. For some reason unknown   
to me this day, I took her home to Mother's right after I met   
her. Having been in the hot seat yourself, I'm sure you can well   
imagine how unpleasant the evening was for us both."   
  
She nodded, barely managing to keep from shivering at the memory.   
"On the way back, I started the usual. Mother tells me what she   
sees wrong with my date, and I turn around and begin to be her   
mouthpiece. Doesn't matter if I personally agree or disagree   
with the opinion. Or at least that's how it used to be. I'm   
sure you remember all my subtle hints about staying home with the   
boys more after that missed luncheon with Mother."  
  
Noticing the greasy-faced kid behind the counter looking up at   
the clock, she pointed to her watch. "I think it's closing   
time."  
  
He glanced down at his wrist in surprise. "Well past it   
actually! Come on, we can talk outside."  
  
Listening to the soft jingle of the door closing behind her,   
Amanda shivered. The night had grown colder. She turned to look   
at Dean who held up a hand. "I know--it's getting late and you   
need to get home. I'll drive you back to IFF."  
  
"I can take a cab," she offered.  
  
Opening his car door, Dean stood and waited for her. Amanda   
quickly sat down in the passenger seat, shaking her head. As the   
car engine roared to life, she wondered how to go about making   
the second date. Normally, she found this part of dating hard   
enough without the added pressure of saving lives.  
  
"How did you all put up with me, Amanda?"  
  
"What?" Her attention was partially on Dean. The rest was   
focused on the black limousine glaring back at her in the   
rearview mirror.  
  
"The jerk I was back then. How did you all keep your patience   
for so long?"  
  
Noticing the white van passing them as the taxi driven by   
Francine got in position, she returned her attention back to her   
date. Shifting in the seat so that she could look at him better,   
she said, "You weren't a jerk. You were--are--a very nice man."  
  
Dean smoothly turned the wheel of the vehicle. "Even Dotty got   
fed up with me in the end after hearing all my mother's   
suggestions--from my mouth--on how she could improve. Me, I   
adored her just the way she was. The kind of mother I always   
wanted."  
  
She opened her mouth to deny Dotty's frustrations, but could not.   
"Yes, she did get upset with you. So, you are a nice man who   
made some mistakes."  
  
Dean took his eyes off the road for a split second. "I think   
this is where, in the movies, the hero tells the girl that losing   
her was one of them, but I never had you."  
  
She opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but he shook his head.   
"I never had your love. You cared for me and about me, but you   
didn't love me."  
  
Looking back out the side window, she admitted, "No, I didn't."  
  
As they pulled to a stop in front of IFF, silence filled the car.   
"Amanda, if I were the man I am today back then, would you have   
loved me? I mean if I met Candy or someone else like her who   
would have told me 'If you want to marry a woman that your mother   
will like, then go out and marry a woman just like her. If you   
want me, then accept me just as I am, because if I try to change,   
you and I both will be miserable.' If I had opened eyes back   
then, do you think you could have loved me?"  
  
*Way to go, Candy!* Amanda thought with a mental smile. Then,   
thinking about his question, she remembered feeling incredibly   
safe with him when she desperately needed to feel safe. Dean   
gave her stability when her life seemed to be upside down. As   
time passed, she had begun to crave some of the spontaneity and   
joy she saw in him tonight. "If Amanda King of four years ago   
was sitting here, she could fall in love with you I think."  
  
"She's not though."  
  
"No, she's not," she admitted, looking down at her hands.  
  
He smiled when she looked up at him. "I guess then the challenge   
is whether or not the new Amanda King can fall in love with the   
new me."  
  
She ached to tell him that there was no possibility, that her   
heart was no longer hers to give. However, she had an assignment   
to do, so she smiled and nodded. "I guess so."  
  
He looked away, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.   
"Well, I'm glad I went into that store today. I never shop there   
anymore."  
  
She thought of all the careful planning that went into making   
sure the meeting looked accidental. Since she remembered his   
usual habits, she had decided the when and where. She had   
immediately thought of Mega-mart at 9:15 am as the best place and   
time. "I'm glad you did, too."  
  
"Look, Amanda, the Senator's leaving for an important trip next   
week--Well, I guess you heard about that tonight." She laughed,   
wishing she could tell him how much knew about the trip before   
hearing the Great Senator's running commentary on how important   
his important trip was to the good of the country.   
  
"So, all this week, he has dinners or parties or something   
planned every night and Mother has agreed to attend them all and   
is dragging me to them. I know--"   
  
Realizing that he was about to give her an out for this week, she   
rushed to make sure she stayed in this week's plans. "I would   
love to go!"   
  
Hopefully, he would believe that she misunderstood his   
intentions. Seeing the startled but pleased look on his face,   
Amanda relaxed. He had thought just as she hoped he would. "Do   
you want me to pick you up at the house?"  
  
She shifted in the small bucket seat. "The boys--"  
  
He held up his hand. "I understand. Say no more. I missed them   
a lot after we broke up the first time. I don't want to hurt   
them, either, if this doesn't work out this time." He grasped   
the door handle and gently forced the door open after checking to   
make sure no cars were approaching. She smiled, relieved that   
not everything had changed.  
  
Taking his hand, Amanda got out of the car. The cool night   
breeze blew by them, making them both pull their thin coats a   
little tighter. "I guess I will pick you up here about six-  
thirty?"  
  
She smiled in agreement. Then, reminding herself that this was a   
date, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "I had a   
good time tonight, Dean." She had enjoyed getting to know this   
man again.  
  
"I did, too. Goodnight, Amanda," he said before turning to walk   
around the car.  
  
"I'm sorry about Candy," she called.   
  
He stopped to look at her. "Don't be; I'm not. So, she left me   
for her perky anchor. She gave me something I can never repay   
her for, and I knew when I married her she wasn't the forever   
type." With a small wave, he got in the car and drove away.   
Sighing, she turned to go make her report to Billy.  
  
***  
  
"Have a seat, Amanda. I was just listening to the earlier   
tapes," Billy said. Long-gone were his necktie and jacket. The   
front of his shirt was partially opened, showing the ribbed t-  
shirt beneath it, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows.  
  
After tossing her jacket over the back of Lee's usual chair, she   
sank into the seat gratefully. "I can't believe it is Farris   
that's giving Estevez all his information."  
  
"You think it's deliberate?" Billy leaned back in his chair.  
  
Thinking of the egotistical creature she watched at dinner, she   
shook her head. "No, I think he just likes to talk too much."  
  
He nodded in agreement. "We've got more than our share of egos   
here in DC."  
  
She laughed. "If I did not know that before, I do now. I used   
to wonder why we just didn't send out lists of suspected   
information brokers. That way the Senators, Congressmen, and all   
the other bureaucrats would know to be on the lookout for them."  
  
He shrugged. "They don't believe it without absolute proof."  
  
Amanda rubbed her temple as the beginning of a headache throbbed.   
"Yeah, I know. Some political rival is just trying to make their   
financial supporter look bad, or so they usually think."  
  
His light chuckle helped her to relax. "I think you might have   
been in this business too long, Mrs. King."  
  
"Almost sounds that way, doesn't it?" she answered with a sad   
smile. Amazing how one gunshot made you question so much of your   
life. A part of her missed the younger Amanda, the one that had   
been a little more naive about life. However, looking out to the   
almost empty bullpen, Amanda knew if she could go back in time,   
she would still take that package from Lee.  
  
"Anything in particular you want to report?" Billy asked,   
getting back to business.  
  
She shook her head. "Not really, Sir, but I think I have an idea   
of how to get Ricardo Estevez out of Ferris's informative dinner   
speeches."  
  
He waited for her to finish. Shifting in her chair, she hoped   
Lee would not hear what she was about to say until after it   
tomorrow night. Playing with her necklace, Amanda explained her   
plan. "Evelyn doesn't like to look bad. Estevez is a playboy   
who likes to do more than eye the ladies. He kept a lot of his   
attention on me tonight--I think because I was with Dean, and   
Dean doesn't like him. Anyway, it shouldn't take much for me to   
get him in a compromising position, and when Evelyn sees it,   
she'll hit the roof."  
  
"If that's the way you think he needs to be played, play it, but   
be careful," Billy agreed finally after several minutes. The   
looks flirting across his face told her it had been a hard   
decision for him. Was he wondering if she could handle it?  
  
"I will, Sir. Any information about who Estevez might be selling   
to?"  
  
He handed her a folder. Glancing through it, she saw some of the   
top leaders of terrorism in the Middle East. "Thanks to the   
efforts of some of our best agents, we now know it's a bidding   
war right now. Everyone wants the credit for destroying   
America's peace talks in the Middle East."  
  
She continued to look down at the faces of some of the craziest   
men in the world. "The Senator didn't reveal the location. As   
soon as Estevez has that, he has it all, doesn't he?"  
  
Billy stood up and yawned. "Go home, Amanda. Sleep in, in the   
morning. I don't want you pushing yourself too hard."  
  
Reaching for her coat, she got up from her chair. She knew that   
the strain of tonight was etched on her face, but there was no   
way to hide it. "I'm fine, Sir. I'm physically fit."  
  
"I know you are, Amanda." He was silent for a few heartbeats,   
and then, "Listening to your conversation earlier, I thought   
about how people change over time."  
  
"That they do." She shook her head, thinking of Dean.  
  
"I was thinking of Lee."  
  
She turned to face him. "Lee?"  
  
Nodding, he sat down on the couch, far away from her. "Yes, I   
was remembering a time he jumped on top of a moving train because   
a suspect was inside. He knew the man had a tracking device on   
him, and yet jumped off that overpass." Shaking his head, Billy   
looked down at his hands. "Then, just for fun, he raced a   
Chinese agent through the hills of San Diego."  
  
"Lee would do both those things today, Sir."  
  
He smiled, even as he shook his head. "No, Amanda, he wouldn't.   
Oh, he would jump on the top of the train and race through the   
hills of San Diego. Just not for ego or fun. I used to watch   
him get hurt, and then race off somewhere else without a thought.   
Now, he's more cautious. He'll take the risks *if* they are   
necessary. Personally, I think it's made him a better agent."  
  
Amanda stood by the door, the handle loosely in her grasp.   
"Thank you, Sir," she whispered, wondering if he had a psychology   
degree hidden away somewhere.  
  
"Oh, I was just telling you what I was thinking about earlier."  
  
Smiling, she nodded. "I know, Sir. Good night, Sir."  
  
"Good night, Amanda."  
  
***  
  
"She could fall in love with you?" Amanda did not even jump when   
Lee's quiet voice came out of the darkness. Her husband walked   
out of the corner of her bedroom so she could see him clearer.  
  
Taking off her shoes, she sighed. "You weren't supposed to be in   
the van." Her toes curled into the carpet, free at last.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Billy's going to have your head on a platter tomorrow when he   
finds out you were in the van."  
  
"I know."  
  
She reached up to take off the small diamond earrings she was   
wearing and the small clip in her hair. She shook her head so   
her hair would fall down freely around her face, and almost   
moaned from the feeling of release. Tonight had been rough.  
  
"Estevez's men followed me home, but I don't think they stayed to   
watch."  
  
Lee nodded as he sat on the edge of the bed to watch her slide   
out of the black sheath dress. "You were the only new one at the   
dinner tonight. Everyone else was an old 'friend' of the   
Senators."  
  
She reached into her dresser drawer for a nightgown. As her hand   
touched cotton, she wished she had one of the fancy ones she kept   
at Lee's. Then, remembering what she told the princess, she   
grinned and tugged the soft gown over her head. "Amanda, you   
look exhausted."  
  
"I think that's the pot calling the kettle black, and I'm already   
at home."   
  
He smiled and stood up to leave, but sat back down as she   
strolled towards him. He looked over at the door. "The boys are   
here."  
  
With a gentle push, Lee fell back on the bed. She crawled over   
him. "You know, if we were like most normal married people--"  
  
"But they would know we were married if they overheard us--."   
  
She leaned down to kiss him. "I know. Now, get out of that   
jacket and your shoes."  
  
Lee's gaze went back to the door. "Amanda--"  
  
She laughed softly and shook her head. "I just want you to get   
some sleep. You can get up before anyone else in the morning,   
and then you are going to follow the zero contact outside the   
Agency that Billy ordered." She would sleep far better in his   
arms, even if he had to get up real early to keep from being seen   
or heard. She needed him to stay with her tonight. In his arms,   
she could keep the nightmares caged.  
  
He opened his mouth to protest, but Amanda knew her look would   
stop him. She jumped off to the side and let him stand. After   
taking his jacket and shoes off, he slid into the bed with her.   
Gathering her into his arms, he drew the covers over them both.   
She sighed and relaxed into his embrace.  
  
Lee, however, felt like a wood plank beneath her. "So, you could   
fall in love with him?" The way he sounded reminded Amanda of   
Jamie after Joe left. Late one night, she had found him sitting   
by the door, the one his father had walked through to leave his   
family for the wilds of Africa. "Does he still love me?" Jamie   
had finally asked.  
  
Shaking her head, Amanda began to draw little patterns on Lee's   
chest. "No, *I* couldn't love him." Lifting her head just   
enough to see his face, she said, "*I* love *you*." Laying her   
head back down, she sighed. "The woman I used to be could have   
loved him."   
  
She could tell from the way he remained so still that he did not   
understand. "Could you go out with Randi-baby today and enjoy   
it?"  
  
"Well--" She could feel his blush.   
  
"You know what I mean!"  
  
Lee laughed softly, suddenly becoming like a firm, but soft,   
pillow. "No, I would be bored out of my mind."  
  
She laughed softly, careful not to be too loud. "I know. Dean's   
like a candle that has been lit now. I can appreciate the great   
qualities of that flame, but I *want* the roaring fire."  
  
He hugged her close, telling her silently that he understood. He   
might not like it, but he understood. Feeling the binds of sleep   
pulling at her, she yawned. She had been up late last night and   
worked hard all day. "By the way, great job on finding out about   
the bidding war for Estevez's information."  
  
"Billy wasn't supposed to tell you about me joining the team."  
  
She could imagine the fight in Billy's office after she left   
yesterday to do her own research on the case. "He didn't," she   
mumbled. The soothing sound of Lee's heartbeat helped lure her   
towards sleep. Her heavy eyelids closed. "I just knew."  
  
***  
  
The sound of her heart pounding made it difficult for her to hear   
what Estevez was saying. Looking around the richly decorated   
room, Amanda wanted to shiver. She was far more alone here than   
she wanted to be, and she knew it meant she was in far more   
danger than she wanted to be. Hopefully, Dean and his mother   
would soon stumble upon her. Francine, dressed as a waitress,   
was supposed to gently lead them in her direction.  
  
"You are a very beautiful woman, Amanda," Estevez said with a   
grin that made her want to shiver.  
  
She reached up and began to play with the heart pendant at her   
throat. "Thank you, Ricardo. I thought there was something you   
wanted to show me?"  
  
"No," he said with a small shake of his head. Amanda could see   
the predator inside shinning through his eyes. He reached over   
and gently pulled the cork out of the decanter of brandy. The   
small popping sound it made almost caused her to jump. He   
grinned at her nervousness. "I wanted to have a few minutes   
alone to talk. We don't really know each other."  
  
He grinned at her, and Amanda weakly returned it. Shivering   
slightly, she crossed her arms and began to lightly rub them.   
"Not much to tell," she said with a voice that was shaking   
slightly. She wished it was all part of the act, but Estevez   
made her nervous. Even worse, Lee was nowhere around this time.  
  
"I'm a documentary film editor's assistant, and a mom. I have   
two boys at home, and I used to date Dean a few years ago.   
That's about it," she said with a shrug.  
  
Taking a few steps away from him so that she could walk behind   
the desk, Amanda struggled to smile. "And you are a man who   
works in finance and whose picture is seen a lot in the   
newspapers."  
  
His laugh was husky. The sound made Amanda's heart beat faster--  
in fear. Hopefully, Evelyn would soon be here. Dean always   
arrived right on time for their dates, but he was no Lee Stetson.   
Would he arrive just when Amanda needed him to, or would he be   
too late? "You don't seem all that impressed with that, Amanda.   
Most ladies around here are."  
  
"Well," she answered, playing with the telephone cord. "I'm just   
a housewife really, with two boys and a mortgage. None of this   
really seems real, you know?"  
  
She watched the dark amber liquid swirl in Estevez's glass as he   
walked around to stand in front of her. "I say it probably does   
seem a little different from what you are used to seeing."  
  
She thought of her life before Lee Stetson walked into it. No   
embassy parties. No meeting important guests and heads of state.   
No guns aimed at her. "Yes, it is." Taking a couple of steps   
back, she smiled. "Everyone here seems to be wearing a mask."  
  
Sitting down his glass, Estevez laughed. "We are," he said with   
a grin that made her skin crawl. How many women, unaware of the   
man beneath the mask, had been awed by his charm? She wondered   
if a housewife from Arlington would have been, and then knew the   
answer. Four years ago, Amanda King would have been startled but   
impressed that such an important man was taking an interest in   
her.   
  
"Ricardo, I think we need to get back to the party." Turning to   
walk towards the partially closed door, she started when he   
grabbed her wrist. "Please, let me go."  
  
He smiled instead and walked closer to her. She could smell the   
hint of brandy on his breath. "Amanda, please, I think we could   
be friends."   
  
She tried to yank back her hand, but Estevez held on tight. Her   
smile was stiff when she said: "We can be friends at the party   
just like we can be here."  
  
He stepped closer. "Oh, Amanda, surely you are not that naive."   
Grasping her upper arms, he pulled her to him. His fingers dug   
into her flesh, hurting her. The nervousness she had been   
feeling left her. She could handle this man; her physical   
training at the Agency had progressed far enough for her to know   
it.  
  
She noticed how close her fingers were to his eyes, one of the   
most vulnerable parts of the human body. The way he was standing   
would make it easy for someone, even with her small body weight,   
to knock him off balance. His belief that he was the one in   
total control made him vulnerable. If Evelyn and Dean failed to   
appear, Amanda would teach Ricardo Estevez a lesson he would not   
soon forget.  
  
"Let me go," she said again. This time her tone was firm and   
insistent. She began to struggle against his hold, but showed no   
signs that she soon planned to attack.  
  
"I don't think so!" She saw the glimmer of amusement in his   
eyes, and realized that for him it was all a game. She was not a   
woman; she was a conquest to be made. He leaned over to kiss her   
just as Amanda decided that she had had enough.  
  
"Ricardo!" Evelyn's shocked shriek hurt Amanda's ears.  
  
He finally let her go and walked towards his girlfriend, his   
hands stretched out in appeal. "Evelyn, it's not--" Amanda   
barely kept the relieved smile off her face as the man struggled   
to explain what was happening. However, the look in Evelyn's   
eyes told Amanda that the game was up for Estevez. At least, he   
would no longer be welcomed back into the Senator's parties.  
  
"You Son of a--" The sound of bone hitting bone finished the   
sentence for Dean. Amanda jumped, and Evelyn screamed, as   
Ricardo fell to the floor in an undignified sprawl. Thinking   
quickly, Amanda stepped between the two men to keep Dean from   
doing any more damage.  
  
"What's going on here?" demanded the loud booming voice of the   
Senator. The tension left Amanda; it was over.  
  
Dean, his fist clinched tightly, spun around to confront his   
mother's boss. "Estevez here tried to force himself on Amanda!"  
  
"I did no such thing," her assailant said from the floor,   
managing to sound like an insulted man. "She was asking for--"  
  
Dean tenderly put his hand on Amanda's arm and showed the bruises   
that were already beginning to form. "Does this look like   
someone asking?"  
  
Amanda saw the Great Senator briefly mourn the loss of Estevez's   
money before he ordered the man out of his home. He might want   
what the man had to give, but even the mere hint of a sex scandal   
could ruin anyone's career. He dared not take the risk.  
  
Smiling, Estevez stood and wiped the small line of blood from his   
lip before straightening his coat. Then, polite as always, he   
wished everyone a good night. Watching him walk away, Amanda   
shivered as his eyes met hers.  
  
***  
  
"So, Dean spent the rest of the night apologizing to me," Amanda   
told Billy before taking a sip of her coffee, trying to ease the   
chill that had been with her since Estevez had left the Senator's   
party. Neither Billy nor Francine had said anything about the   
risks she took earlier, but their pointed looks at her bruises   
told her their opinions. Fortunately, there was no sign of Lee   
in the van tonight. She wondered how hard Billy had worked to   
keep him away.  
  
"And Mrs. Hunter?"  
  
Amanda's smile was about as weak as the coffee. "She apologized,   
but she--" She shook her head. "She was really hurting, Sir."  
  
Billy sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Not as much as she would   
if she had known he was just using her to get to Ferris."  
  
"I know, Sir, but I really hated seeing it," Amanda mumbled.   
Although she had never been able to actually like Evelyn McGuire   
Hunter, she did not want to see anyone hurting.  
  
"At least," Billy said after a few moments of silence, "you got   
Estevez away from his easy source."  
  
She nodded, rubbing her hand over her tired eyes. "Where do we   
go from here?" The brief hint of discomfort that flashed across   
Billy's face made Amanda wish she had not asked the question.  
  
"Lee and a few other of our agents are still tracking down   
information about the bidding war going on right now. Miller and   
his men are keeping a close eye on Estevez and his bank accounts.   
Francine's coordinating all the information, and you--"  
  
Billy sighed. "You are going to go out with Dean tomorrow.   
Amanda," he said, stopping her from protesting by holding up his   
hand. "We need someone next to the Senator, at least for his   
entertaining since Miller's got the office covered, and you are   
already there."  
  
"Three dates in three nights? Dean's going to think we are   
getting serious again." Standing up to leave, she put on her   
shawl and thought of how easy it was to break a man's heart. And   
how it could haunt her for years afterwards.  
  
(End 2 of 3)  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Headers, disclaimers in part 1  
  
SMKSMK--signals the beginning or end of a flashback  
***--transition  
  
  
***  
  
"Take off the shawl, Amanda," Lee said the minute Amanda walked   
through her bedroom door.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she shut the door behind her and walked to   
where her husbands stood. His arms were crossed, and his eyes   
were flashing. He obviously had heard what happened earlier   
tonight.  
  
"You made Francine call you and give you a report," she realized.   
She shook her head. "I can't believe she told you."  
  
"I can't believe you set yourself up--"  
  
"I did what I had to do."  
  
"Amanda, the man's a cold-blooded--"  
  
"I know."  
  
Lee sighed and turned away from her. Looking out her window, he   
whispered, "You could have been hurt a lot worse than some   
bruises."  
  
Taking off her shawl, she tossed it on the bed and leaned forward   
to wrap her arms around him. "I know."  
  
He turned around in her embrace. For a second he put his hand   
between her breasts, to where the scar hid behind the dress.   
Then, his fingers trailed up to where the spaghetti straps lay   
and then down her arm to where the dark bruises from Estevez's   
fingers marred her skin. Gently, he moved his finger lightly   
over each one, as if he could erase them by sheer will. "I never   
want to see you hurt again."  
  
Amanda reached over and grabbed his hand. Then, she brought it   
to her mouth to gently kiss the palm. "Lee, it's what we do.   
Getting hurt is something we face everyday."  
  
He leaned down to kiss the top of her forehead. "I know."  
  
***  
  
Walking along Pennsylvania Avenue, Dean reached for Amanda's   
hand. Again, she had to resist the urge to yank it away from   
his. "I really am sorry about what--"  
  
"Dean, I thought we agreed not to discuss it anymore?" Her voice   
was gentle but firm. If she had her way, she would never discuss   
Ricardo Estevez ever again after this case.  
  
"You're right. I'm sorry."  
  
After several minutes of silent walking, he sighed. "I knew the   
man was bad, but I didn't bother to warn Mother. I should have   
said something."  
  
She smiled sadly, thinking of the people she had wanted to warn   
over the years. "Your mother would not have listened, Dean."   
She knew that with a certainty she could not explain.  
  
"Yeah," he agreed. "She never liked to listen to anyone else,   
but I should have tried."  
  
Amanda started at the sound of a distant horn blowing. Her   
nerves were still on edge from the previous night's event. "I'm   
sorry she's hurting."  
  
He shook his head. "She's too angry to be hurting right now.   
She'll deny it, just like she did when Dad and Zachary died.   
Sometimes, I think I have a stonewall for a mother."  
  
She thought of all the caring glances she had seen Evelyn shoot   
in Dean's direction when he had not been looking. She remembered   
the pride she had heard in Evelyn's voice every time Dean had   
received a commendation or promotion. "She adores you."  
  
"I know, Amanda, but sometimes I just wish she would let me know   
her."  
  
She thought of her two boys at home, unaware of the risks their   
mother took daily. "Sometimes we mothers go out of our way to   
protect our sons. I remember how hard I worked to make sure the   
boys didn't notice the loss of their dad; I tried to be both   
parents. In the end, they just needed to know that I missed Joe,   
too."  
  
"Did you actually miss him?"  
  
She almost refused to answer. The conversation was becoming too   
personal. She did not want to give him any ideas, and she would   
rather her co-workers in the van could not hear this much detail   
about her life. However, she felt like she owed him an answer,   
owed herself an answer. Ever since she had been wheeled out of   
that hospital in California, she had been thinking about the   
changes in her life. She realized that this assignment had been   
perfect for the moment of her life; she needed to say goodbye to   
the past in many ways.  
  
"Truthfully, I'm not sure. I think a part of me did--missed   
having someone there, but--" She shook her head. "I missed the   
marriage, but not Joe. I missed having someone there, but not   
necessarily the parts that made him uniquely him. I did miss our   
family. I missed the dream of happily ever after."  
  
Dean stopped walking. She turned to face him. "I guess you were   
luckier than me in some ways then. I missed her everyday, even   
though I never dreamed of a happily ever after with her. She was   
a rolling stone," he said with a sad smile. "A beautiful bird   
that was never meant to be caged."  
  
He put his hands on her arms. "I'm glad I ran into you at the   
Megamart, Amanda."  
  
As he leaned forward to kiss her, she resisted the urge to turn   
her head. *You are working,* she reminded herself. His lips   
softly caressed hers, and she remembered how great of a kisser he   
had been. Even though her lips had been reminded now, the rest   
of her body remained unaffected. It was pleasant, but   
unappealing. She understood how actors felt, and she remembered   
reading once how a soap star went over her grocery list during   
the love scenes. So, as Dean kissed her, Amanda thought about   
the case and about her husband. She did not notice three   
suspicious acting tourists . . .  
  
SMKSMKSMK  
  
Discreetly looking around, she noticed that the men were all   
focused on Dean and his mother. The man with the biggest camera   
and the biggest gun still had his weapon in his hand, even though   
somewhat loosely. The other two had theirs holstered now.   
Ricardo was making threats to hurt Dean if Evelyn did not tell   
him where the meeting was going to be held. "I don't know," she   
sobbed, and Amanda wished the lady had never been exposed to this   
tonight. Evelyn Hunter might be a judgmental snob, but no one   
deserved to find out they were a pawn in a chess game.  
  
Ricardo glanced in her direction, and suddenly Amanda became the   
focus of the man's attention. He strolled in front of Dean and   
smiled in a way that made her shiver. She felt the man with the   
big gun walk up behind her, and then beside her. He was so close   
his breath moved her hair. "I bet you wonder why I had her   
brought here, don't you, amigo?"  
  
The lump in her stomach grew. Dean fought with his bindings with   
no success. The ropes continued to saw at his flesh. Amanda   
wanted to beg him to stop, but she could not take the chance of   
drawing too much attention to herself. Ricardo leaned forward   
even closer. "I plan to have a good time with her later. If you   
are a good boy, I might let you watch."  
  
Everyone's focus was on Dean and his anger. Amanda knew it was   
now or never. Instinct and training took over as she twisted   
around to shove the camera still hanging around her guard's neck   
up into his face. He bellowed in pain as Amanda heard the   
distinct sound of his nose breaking. She grabbed the gun from   
his suddenly limp hand, and twisted before the other two could   
even think to move. She aimed the pistol right at Ricardo's   
forehead.  
  
"Tell them to drop them or I'll shoot." She saw the surprise in   
everyone's eyes as they heard the authority in her voice. Dean's   
mouth dropped open as he looked at her holding the gun with such   
confidence.  
  
"You shoot me, you die."  
  
She lifted her eyebrow. "Maybe, but I know that if I shoot you,   
you die, and if I don't shoot you, I'm going to die anyway. So,   
I'm going to take my chances that you do not want to die. Now,   
have your men drop them."  
  
"If you don't mind," she called to the one moaning on the floor   
behind her. "I would like you to crawl your way over to where   
your companions are standing." She managed to keep the smile off   
her face as she heard him moan and shuffle to follow her bidding.   
Just as she suspected. Big gun. Big camera. Little courage.  
  
"Freeze, federal agents!" Fred Fielder yelled as he and his team   
rushed into the warehouse. Amanda did smile as the other agents   
slid to a stop at the sight of her holding all of the bad guys at   
bay.  
  
"It's about time you got here," she yelled with a grin. She took   
a second to apologize to the poor man for breaking his nose, and   
then, as Ricardo was cuffed, she handed the gun to Fred and went   
to undo Dean's ropes. Using a knife that someone provided, she   
easily cut through them, wincing at the damage done by Dean's   
struggle.  
  
His gaze stayed fixed on her as she cut through his mother's   
ropes. "So, just a film editor?"  
  
Amanda smiled and shook her head. "No, not a film editor."  
  
He smiled at her as the agents swirled about, and his mother   
walked to his side. With the look of a lioness on her face,   
Evelyn marched over to where Estevez stood; his hands were drawn   
back behind him in the classic arrest pose. She said nothing as   
she jerked his handkerchief from his breast pocket. Then,   
walking back, she drew another handkerchief from her pocket and   
gently wrapped her son's wrists. When she finished, Dean reached   
over and gently wiped the drying blood from his mother's chin.   
Amanda saw the strain leave the older woman's face, and she   
smiled as mother and son both seemed to take a step closer to   
each other emotionally as well as physically.  
  
"I can't believe the Amanda I knew could become a spy," Dean said   
as he finally turned his attention back to her. His arm was   
draped over his mother's shoulders. His desire to comfort and   
protect her was written clearly on his face.  
  
She looked down at her shoes as she grinned. "Actually, the   
Amanda you knew was."  
  
Evelyn actually smiled at her. "I guess you had a good reason   
for missing lunch then."   
  
She laughed softly. "Yes, I did. Can't give you the details, or   
I would have to kill you." They all laughed together, more from   
relief than from finding the weak joke amusing. It was over for   
them all. All that remained was the paperwork.  
  
Lee rushed into the warehouse; Amanda knew it without looking.   
Dean looked over her shoulder and then at her face. "So, he's   
the lucky man."  
  
Making sure to be quiet, although the general noise of the   
arrests and the search was covering their conversation, Amanda   
whispered, "Yes, he is."  
  
He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I hope he knows what a   
treasure he has in you."  
  
"He knows," Amanda told him. "Just as I know the treasure I have   
in him," she finished as Fred Fielder walked over to them.  
  
"Sir, Ma'am? I'm afraid you'll have to come with me for a few   
hours."  
  
Amanda nodded reassuringly. "They'll debrief you, make sure you   
get some medical attention, and then you'll be free to go home.   
They also want to make sure you are safe until the Senator is on   
his plane and gone."  
  
"Goodbye, Amanda."  
  
"Goodbye, Dean."  
  
As she watched them walk away, Amanda felt Lee standing behind   
her. "I'll never let Billy talk me out of being in the van   
again," he declared.  
  
She turned to smile at him, relaxing now that he was here. "A   
few days in a cabin sounds really good about now."  
  
Lee looked over his shoulder, obviously surprised that Amanda   
would mention something so personal with so many of their co-  
workers about them. "Yeah, it does."  
  
"Good job, Amanda," Billy's voice called out to her. Wearing a   
large grin on his face, he stopped in front of her and Lee. "You   
did a real good job."  
  
"Thank you, Sir," she whispered. His grin told her that he never   
had any doubt that she could do it.  
  
Without waiting for all the controlled chaos to settle, Amanda   
and Lee walked out into the night air. She took a deep breath,   
feeling freer than she had in a long time--since California   
actually. "I did it," she said to Lee as they stopped at his   
Corvette.  
  
He paused in opening the door to look at her. There was a flash   
of understanding in his eyes before he turned away from her.   
"Yeah, you did, but then you always do." She smiled as she slid   
into the seat.  
  
***  
  
Amanda woke up alone on the rug. The fire had died down, but its   
gentle crackle let her know that it had some life left in it.   
She stretched, smiling when muscles-- which had unfortunately not   
been used much recently, but had gotten a wonderful workout   
today--protested.  
  
Then, yawning slightly, she sat up and looked around the cabin   
for her husband. Since the bottom floor was basically one open   
room, it only took her a second to realize he was not there.   
That left outside and upstairs. So, wrapping herself in the   
blanket Lee must have covered her with earlier--he had been her   
blanket when she fell asleep--Amanda went in search of her   
Scarecrow.  
  
It did not take her long to find him. The sound of water being   
turned off in the master bathroom alerted her to his location.   
Tossing the blanket onto the bed, she opened the door wearing   
only a grin.  
  
Her mouth dropped open in shock, and the look on Lee's face   
reminded her of the boys' faces when they were caught doing   
something they knew they were not supposed to be doing. "What on   
earth--"  
  
"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time," Lee answered with   
a tiny, I-hope-you-aren't-too-mad smile.  
  
She opened her mouth to ask him how he could do something so--  
Then, she closed it. He was her husband, not her son. This week   
was their long-overdue honeymoon. She refused to consider the   
short time that they had together before in California a   
honeymoon, and Lee had agreed whole-heartedly. Unfortunately,   
hectic schedules and tough cases had prevented them from taking a   
week off until now.  
  
She walked over to the Jacuzzi tub and decided that it was a good   
thing that it was in the corner instead of the center of the   
room. The bubbles had gone up between the walls--all the way to   
the ceiling--instead of over onto the floor. Looking at the   
sheer wall of bubbles sitting atop the Jacuzzi, Amanda grinned.   
"Looks like fun," she said over her shoulder as she stepped into   
the soft, warm suds. They were so thick, they almost closed in   
around her, hiding her away from Lee's eyes. He quickly found   
her, as she had known he would. He would always find her; she   
knew that fact as sure as she knew her own name.  
  
The steam was already dampening both of their bodies. Amanda   
shivered as Lee's hands slid over her breasts. Then, she grinned   
as she noticed the small pile of bubbles on his nose. She leaned   
forward to gently blow them away, and Lee's eyes sparkled with   
amusement as they floated over his head.  
  
Drawing her in for a kiss, he laughed a small husky laugh that   
sent sparks through her body. Then, his lips ignited the flame.   
She followed him down to the hot, wet depths below.  
  
***  
  
A very content, mostly dry, Amanda lay on her husband's chest.   
They had spent nearly an hour drying each other; neither had been   
interested in more sex, but both of them had reveled in the sheer   
joy of just being totally free to touch and explore. Then, Lee   
had carried her into the bedroom to the large four-poster bed. A   
large goose down blanket covered them.  
  
"Do you know today is an anniversary?" he asked softly.  
  
It took her a second to remember the date, but when she did, she   
smiled. "The day we told each other that we were in love."  
  
"Yeah," Lee said, gently stroking his hand up and down her arm.   
Amanda believed she could stay right where she was for the rest   
of her life. "I was just thinking about how I kind of lied to   
you that day."  
  
She stiffened in his arms. She lay there, unable to move.   
Silence filled the room for what seemed like an eternity. "What   
I feel for you today," Lee struggled to say. "Is so much more   
than what I felt for you then--"  
  
He lifted her up slightly from his chest so he could look her   
into her eyes. "I love you so much more today than I did then,   
that what I felt then seems too tepid to call love."  
  
Biting her lip, Amanda nodded, totally understanding. The past   
year had been one of the roughest for them in so many ways, but   
out of the hottest forges came the strongest iron. There had   
been days when she had wondered if they had made a mistake, when   
it had seemed too hard. However, the tough times had tied them   
together so tightly she knew nothing would pull them apart.   
"Mother was reading something from a book before I left. Some   
comedian who said that love at first sight is easy to understand;   
it's people that have looked at each other for years and still   
loved that is a miracle."  
  
Lee laughed and hugged her tightly to his chest. "I want to be a   
miracle," he whispered in her ear.  
  
"We're going to be," she said with a certainty she had not had on   
their wedding day.  
  
"No doubts?"  
  
"No doubts." She sat up so she could look down at him. As   
usual, Lee's eyes ran appreciatively over her body before   
returning to look at her face. "Remember Margaret Stevens'   
favorite quote of late." Unfortunately for Margaret Stevens, her   
recent marriage had not been filled with the happiness Lee and   
Amanda's had.  
  
"Love is blind; marriage is an eye-opener," they intoned together   
just as Margaret Stevens was always saying it.  
  
"It's true," Lee said, rubbing his hand across her taut nipple.   
She shivered. "I've learned stuff about myself I didn't even   
have a hint of before I married you."  
  
She nodded. "I learned a lot about both of us. Like we are big   
fat chickens. Cluck-cluck."   
  
Lee's hand dropped away in surprise. His mouth opened and closed   
a few times before he grinned. "Yeah, we are."  
  
"We didn't want to rock the boat, so we hid the fact we were   
dating. Then, still not wanting to rock the boat, we got engaged   
in secret, and *then* we got married in secret." She shook her   
head. "I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"I left you out in the cold. I was too afraid of the changes, so   
I just left you outside, looking through the window." A light   
sheen of tears covered her eyes.  
  
Lee sat up, holding her arm, making sure she looked him in the   
eye. "Amanda, you have never, ever, left me out in the cold.   
You have warmed me since the day we met, even when I didn't want   
to be warmed by you or anyone else!"  
  
"Lee, you have not been able to be a part of my family--"  
  
"Amanda," he said, leaning even closer to her. "I wasn't ready   
to be a part of your family. Remember how I said I had learned a   
lot about myself?"  
  
"You have been great with the boys," she protested.  
  
Lee grinned, pride on his face. "Yes, I think I have been, but I   
wouldn't have been if I walked in your house February as a new   
stepfather instead of remaining your boyfriend." He ran his hand   
through his hair. "They would have had more barriers built up   
against me, and I would have panicked more. Amanda, your family   
terrified me, if you want to know the truth."  
  
She laughed, startled by the confession. "I know you were a   
little nervous--"  
  
"No, I was terrified! Give me a troop of Russian soldiers, and   
I'm fine. Two kids and a mother-in-law and you might as well   
shoot me out into outer space." He kissed her lightly on the   
lips. "I *had* to marry you, Amanda. I *had* to know that we   
were really committed to our relationship, but I think we both   
weren't ready for a regular marriage, yet. I needed time to get   
used to my new skin. I think you needed some time, too, to get   
used to the new you."  
  
Leaning her head on his chest. "I don't think I even knew how   
much I had changed until after I was shot."  
  
He kissed her hair. "I know. I knew, but not really."  
  
She laughed, understanding what he was saying. Some of the   
changes had been too obvious to ignore, but the ones that ran   
deep had been easy to overlook. She knew her worth as an agent   
now. Confidence ran through her. She knew how important she was   
to Lee. She had always known she meant a lot, even when he had   
not particularly liked her, but now she *knew* how much she meant   
to him, how much she enriched his life as an agent and as a man.  
  
"So you are saying you wanted to be married, but weren't ready   
for it?"  
  
Lee frowned. "Yeah, in a way, I am. Don't get me wrong, Amanda.   
I know what you are saying is true. We were afraid of messing up   
our partnership, of the Agency splitting us. We were afraid of   
how your family would react. But I think we also needed the   
time. We had years as friends, so we knew we were in love, but   
we needed the time to get used to being lovers as well as   
friends, without the outside pressure."  
  
She leaned back away from his shoulder so she could look into his   
wonderful eyes. "It's time."  
  
He frowned. Then, he grinned. "Yeah, it is."  
  
She nodded, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders. "How do we   
go about it?"  
  
His arm gently urged her to lay back down with him. Reaching   
over, he drew up the quilt again. Then, he turned out the light.   
"First, we are going to sleep and enjoy the rest of our week.   
Then, when we go back, we can let it casually be known that we   
are dating."  
  
"Okay. Then, what?"  
  
He shrugged. "I think the last year worked really well. We'll   
just use our anniversaries."  
  
She laughed softly. "That way you don't have two dates to   
remember."  
  
"Exactly! I'll know the date we were engaged because it is the   
only date we got engaged," he teased. "Marriage is strictly for   
February 13, although I know the fourteenth would have been more   
romantic."  
  
She hugged him tight. "The thirteenth was perfect. And this   
time, it shouldn't be on a Friday." Lee softly laughed. They   
often teased one another about being the only couple in the world   
willing to marry on such a notorious date.  
  
Silence filled the room as both of them lay there thinking.   
Then, Amanda finally admitted her last fear. She knew Lee was   
still wide-awake, even though he had not spoken for half an hour.   
"They could still separate us."  
  
He ran his hand through her hair. "I don't think they will. We   
are some of the best, and Doctor Smyth, when it comes right down   
to it, likes results more than anything else. They are what   
makes him look good to the boys up on the Hill."  
  
"What if he does separate us?"  
  
Lee sighed. "I don't know. We'll worry about that when it   
happens, but, Amanda, one of the other things I've learned about   
myself is that as much as I love being your partner in the field,   
I love being your partner in life more."  
  
"Partner in life?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She smiled. "I like that."  
  
"I do, too. Now, get some sleep. I have an intense workout   
planned for you in the morning."  
  
"Good," she whispered, as she finally let her mind relax. As   
sleep overtook her, she knew she was right where she belonged,   
and she was not going to let Doctor Smyth, fear, or any old   
bullet keep her away from her partner.   
  
  
(End 3 of 3/End All)  
  
Thanks for reading! 


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